I Felt So Ashamed
By Amal Milaa Filza
My tears wouldn´t stop running down my face, I felt so ashamed… But I wasn´t crying because I just found out the man I liked was married. I was crying because I felt so stupid and naïve, I was crying because I believed him, I was crying because I was fooled… I cried some more, because this time I was the woman that was hated by the wife. I was crying because I was such an idiot… I was also crying because I felt lost, I was crying because there was no one who could comfort me and tell me everything would turn out just fine, I couldn´t stop crying because I knew I disappointed my Creator, my everything. My tears just wouldn´t stop running down my face, I felt so ashamed.
It all started a month ago, when I bumped into this guy a couple times a week. The same thing would happen; he would see me, say something. I would ignore him and keep on walking. Secretly I did like him, but I would never admit that. If he liked me, he should talk to my dad and that's final.
One day, all of a sudden he blocked my way so that he could talk to me. I panicked, how was I going to ignore him this time?
“Salam aleykum,” he said. “waleykum as salam,” I whispered.
I was making a mistake, I just knew it!
My mind was saying:”RUN, GET AWAY, IT’S A TRAP!” but my heart was saying: “Stick around; this might turn into something…” It felt like an eternity those couple of minutes that he was talking to me; I didn’t say much, he was literally declaring his love for me. I heard him speak but I couldn’t really figure out what he was saying. He had such warm eyes, such cute dimples when he smiled. Next, he asked, “So, what do you think?”
I looked at him, confused. “Excuse me?” I said. And that was the moment, I regretted that I didn’t listen to my mind, I regretted the fact that I didn’t run away when I had the chance. He was suggesting to ´get to know´ each other, because that’s the way how people do it in Europe right? I felt insulted! What kind of girl did he think I was? I told him that this was not an appropriate way to talk to someone and that he should leave me alone. I walked away and didn’t turn around when he tried to stop me.
He didn´t give up though... He tried all sorts of ways to get in contact with me. This part got me really confused... Why does he put himself through all this trouble but won´t come and ask my hand in marriage? I didn’t get it... “It is so difficult to get married in this time... Everybody I know is unhappy in their marriage” Yes, that were the exact words he used... I can’t believe that I bought that... I was thinking poor guy... Something must have happened to him. I was right about that. Marriage, that’s what happened to him! That’s why he didn’t come to ask my hand in marriage, because he was married! I couldn’t understand it, why would someone do this? Why would someone who is married still try to find love outside of home? I have been dreaming of love my whole life, I’ve been dreaming of getting married, having children and love my husband for the sake of Allah subhaana wa ta'aala. But how is this possible in a society where it´s all about first having a haram relationship because it’s the way of the ‘Modern world´.
*Sigh* I did learn a great lesson from this. Never, ever trust someone. The only one I can trust is Allah subhaana wa ta'aala and if someone ever tries to approach me this way again? Well... I have nothing to say to them, I live two blocks away and my father will be happy to take a message. :)
20 commentaires:
Wow, I've never read anything like this and can appreciate the honesty, may Allah Ta'aala protect us from going astray
SubhanAllah...this was just emotionally scary. My heart literally sunk after reading this article...may Allah SWT protect us from the Shayateen. It's difficult to protect one's heart from such corrupted societies.
---
It is a characteristic of those who fear Allah SWT much: And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse or major sins) or wronged themselves with evil, ***remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins*** - and none can forgive sins but Allah and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know. [Quran 3:135]
---
JazakiAllahu khayran for being brave enough to share a story and warning your sisters. The pain indeed became a means of khayr for the writer. May Allah SWT reward you abundantly with Rahmah in this dunia and Akhira.Ameen.
Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullah,
-UmmS.
mashaAllah it was nce, ya Allah protct us frm the wolves men are like wolves if we show thm kindnss (excludung our husbnds0 thy wil take advntage of us maybe thr are some good men ALLAHU YA3LAM.. and jazakillahu khairal jaza ukhtina and knw that Allah ma3k thats why u dicovrd the fact
JazakAllah khair...that was powerfully honest.
You know in Islam as in Surah Nisa a man can marry up to four wives. The guy obvioiusly is looking for some FUN outside of his marriage. And I reccommend for anyone to always make istikara before you get married or making any big decison for that matter. As the prophet (pbh) said in tirmidi that mans happiness lies in being content and son of Adam's not being miserables lies in making istikara. IA we all get saved from pervs. I'm a guy and in college. and i know first hand of how alot of guys are. Especially guys when they want to get married and they were previously living a life of sleeping around with women and drinking, they prey on hijabis or start getting close to them.
May Allah reward you for sharing your experience-I think that it's important to not be blinded by the silver tongued nature of some men-they know how to work women(tell them what they want to hear!)-but I think that it is also important not to solidify the experience into one of "men are just dodgy"-which alhamdulilah you haven't-there are real gems out there marsh'Allah!
Also, having a good trusted Wali is a blessing (many don't have), when men know that this is a woman with some backup, they have to either step up to the plate and act with honour-or slide back underneath the stone they crawled out from- it sorts the wheat from the chaft!
sad but true, unfortunately I have seen men doing this online and lying about their marriage status. It was a hard thing to deal with because I did not know what to do. To tell the wife or not. I finally told but the brother lied again claiming that it was an old profile. May Allah make these men strong to think before hurting others and themselves, Ameen. Sisters beware, not saying that it is always this way. Like I tell my hubby, be honest with me if you are looking for a second wife and be honest to her, never lie abut your status. May Allah make us stronger as an Ummah.
May Allah swt be with you, and reward you for making the right choice.
Whenever something of this nature or something bad happens, just remember there are many who are in a much worse situation and thank Allah swt for that. Also for giving you pain but without a loss, what I mean by this is, u were hurt emotionally yes, and it may have been miserable but again, what if he did marry u and lie about already having a wife or worse if u did not stop urself when u did.
I personally know of a sis who found out that her husband had been married before and even had a child which she had no clue about.
I wish our Muslim community would be more open to this kind of topics because we all experience the same as other communities, but we don't share and keep everything hidden we are ashamed and are afraid of what people will say about us. But we have to learn to talk about this things so we can help each other!
instead of suffering by ourselves.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Jazakillahu Khairan Sister!!!
you have expressed my thoughts..and I really wish if their was someone to guide us...But what Allaah wills happens, He does not want to make any hardship for us but only to purify us.
May Allaah forgive us and May the Almighty save all our sisters and brothers from the various tricks of Shaytan! aameen
Jazakillahu Alfa Alfa Khair!!Wa BarakaAllaahu Fiki!
obviously his motives were wrong subh'anaAllah but i do have a question. are married muslim men required to tell their wives if they're looking for another wife?
Apparently not, a married muslim man is not required to tell their wife they are taking a second wife. My imam recommended and arranged a marriage with a brother who apparently was an sheikh, I loved him for his apparent love of Allah swt. I was deceived, he had a wife who he had told me he was divorced from. I moved country to start a life with the man, foolishly trusting two leaders in the community. I was destroyed and ended up homeless after two months. He and his wife continue on today as if I did not exist. These are "muslims". Nearly two years later I am still broken from the unbelievable injustice done to me. Allah swt is witness and judge.
indeed a married husband does not need his wife permission or just to tell her that he is going to re marry...however it creates so much trouble for all the people involved that I wonder if it is not wiser to consult with the first wife about that even if it is not obligatory ...
Anyway, I was in France recently visiting relatives and I was so chocked to hear all those stories of married muslims men remarrying or looking for another one online secretly ..even marrying non msulims as second wife!!! So much pain and sorrow for the first wife who soemtimes get a divorce because the second wife want so.. The prophet (pbuh) married many women whomwere widows and divorced and for the good of the Ummah by making alliance and peace treats etc... but now men who want to marry just do it out of boredom and need some extra fun ..I dont think this is right...!!!
Salam I need advice my husband sectrely married a second without
y knowledge he decided to tell me after 2 yrs I am devasted. Yes be had no reason but she is so rich and high class. Any way I could not Handel it I have not eaten or slept for a
month I am so sick he finally divorced me I carnt understand how it is halal and it brakes up the first marriage. I have 5 kids mind u one with a disabilty. The sad thing is I miss my husband so much and want him back I'm going crazy.
Maam it sounds like the reason why your husband was keeping it a secret from you that he remarried was because he knew you were not going to handle it and he did not want drama. And most women unfortunately they let there feelings or let the west of man can only marry one woman train of thought go into there brain when the Quran clearly says a man can marry more than one. Not assuming but perhaps your husband didn't want to fight with you or argue when you found out he married, you should of been forthcoming. Seriously, women when they get older they might lose interest in sex and a man will always be a man and he needs someone to fulfill those needs or maybe he desires another woman. IF he marries then why would you be mad at him? He should of told you that he remarried but I can see especially if woman live in the WEst they wouldn't even warm up to the idea or just get upset overly just bc husband entertains thought of marrying second when we know that the sahabis and prophet married more than one. My advice maam is for you to talk to your former husband and ask him to take you back and for you to tell him your fine with him having her as a wife as long as he spends time with you and gives you your rights, see what he says. GIve the assurance so he can be convinced that your not going to trip just because he has two wives. iA works out with make dua for you. If that doesn't work then look to get remarried. In Islam the opposite sex are compliments for each other.
awesome sharing sister
jazakum ALlah khairun
Asalaamu Alaykum sis,
I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. For your husband to be so deceiving is not right because how can he keep something as important as a second marriage a secret for 2 years?! That part on him is just wrong. A lot of men unfortunately abuse their right of marrying more than one. They do it in secret, and some don't ever tell...the second or third or fourth wife will come forward when he dies! can you believe it?! That's just so wrong. If he was man enough to take on the responsibility of marrying more than one than how can he not have the courage to tell his first wife no matter how she angry or disappointed she becomes.
Before reacting, you should have examined your situation. You have five children who need their father, and if this happened 2 years ago, and his been handling his responsibility to you and your children, you should have just swallowed your hurt and anger and dealt with it alone or with family members, or prayed a lot to Allah. Divorce is the worse thing and most hated by Allah...and there's a big reason why. A whole entire family will break apart when a divorce happens. Sister InshaAllah try to talk with your husband and try to get him back. You should remind him to fear Allah and to not hurt you since you were his first wife and the mother of his children. May Allah rectify your situation. Allahuma Amin
No but if he is asked about if has has another wife, he cannot lie! and most men will just lie and say no when he knows he has a wife and children. That's when the deceiving starts, lying is haraam and I think a lot of men when it comes to that issue take it lightly.
Assalamualaikum sister,
Please dont shed tears for such a traitor .. Inshallah, Allah will provide you with a better husband, who will indeed love you truely for the sake of Allah, Inshallah! .. Trust in Allah and pray for it! :) Allah knows best!
Untill then keep reading ..
"Has -bi -yal-laa-hu wa ni'- mal wa-keel".
Allah (SWT) is sufficient for me and He is the Best Helper
May Allah help us all and protect us .. and help us lead a life that pleases him. Ameen!
Sister, this is exactly why we shouldn't mix. If you think you have found someone you like, your parents or wali should check him out. this would have saved you all of this pain and shame.
Enregistrer un commentaire