Are You Ready To Take The Big Step

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Are You Ready To Take The Big Step

By Farheen Naaz

I’m not ready yet!

ARE YOU AFRAID TO TAKE THE BIG STEP?

Read on!

You’re life is going smoothly. You’ve just entered your early twenties, are racing to go places and reach new heights. You see a friend of yours getting married and think, ‘I guess she has lost her mind! Does she even realize what she is doing?!’ Suddenly one or both of your parents or someone from the extended family mentions “marriage”, the biiiig day and you go into fretters! “Omg! Marriage?! Nikah?! Me?! So Soon?! I’m not even ready!”

These are the typical reactions from lots of girls worldwide. Those who are not of this type, well, hats off to you! Now let us deal with overcoming this fear of attending your own Nikah! We need to get to know ourselves properly, learn to accept our fears and overcome all the unreasonable fears.

It is indeed difficult, stressful and scary to, all of a sudden, imagine yourself in a new role. But just because something seems a little difficult to imagine, it doesn’t  mean you should simply run away from it. Marriage sure is a great responsibility, but with it stems a lot of happiness. That is the beauty of this relation. You being afraid of getting married is quite normal. But look at what Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in the Quran. Allah (swt) describes marriage in the Quran as: “And from his signs are, He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may live in tranquility with them, and instilled love and mercy between your hearts . . . “ (30:21) 

The bond of Nikah has been divinely established for the welfare and upkeep of a healthy, progressive and strong community; and has been beautifully described in the Quran and a number of Hadiths,

A many women fear Nikah as they perceive it to be an end to their adventurous and fun loving life. Sisters, you need to realize that marriage isn’t {is not]  the end of your adventurous life, in fact, marriage makes your life more adventurous, leads you to new avenues, helps you become a better person. Life itself is a constant stream of challenges, and getting married is one such challenge, not only for you, but also for your would-be-spouse. 

Our fears are often unreasonable, which in turn become unrealistic expectations. This is also a major problem with us women who, as Jane Austen rightly quoted – “A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment”. People have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, and often end up expecting perfection in all aspects. This, more often than not, ends up creating unnecessary problems. Enter any relationship with an open mind, as Allah has created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime, and you, as a best friend, need to stand by your spouse and help overcome the difficulties. A spouse should be that kind of a friend that you’d want to keep for life. But do remember, your spouse is someone to share happiness with, not someone to demand happiness from. Do you still not want to experience this beautiful relationship?

 Do not for once assume that marriage means only to share meals, chores and some small talk together. It is much more than that. It involves building a strong relationship by spending quality time together. Sometimes we think we’re too young to enter into a huge relationship, and so, have everything planned out. Complete your education, get a job and then magically (like in movies) someone perfect for you appears out of nowhere and asks for your hand in marriage! That, my friends, is too good to be true though it looks awesome on the silver screen! Reality is far more disheartening that that! When someone approaches you and he appeals to you in all aspects, then please don’t let age stand in your way. Age is just another number. It  does not reeeally reflect your maturity. Being a Muslim, you need to have that faith in Allah that Allah’s plans are the best and most beneficial.

 

Usually the beauty of this relationship in the eyes of Allah is neglected. A major part of Verse 187 from Surah 2 (Al-Baqarah) describes this relationship as follows: 

“. . . they are clothing to you and you are clothing for them . . . “  (2:187)

Another similar translation of it is as follows: 

“. . . your wives are garments to you, and you are garments to them . . .”  (2:187)

The way in which clothing protects us from external elements such as heat and cold; spouses protect one another from external desires that originate from many different sources. Through marriage, these desires are satisfied in a halal way. Clothing also saves us from the shame of being naked and incomplete; and it beautifies us. Similarly, spouses beautify and complete each other. When a person is not married, s/he is not yet complete and has not reached his/her full potential. Marriage is an essential part of being fully human, just like clothes are an essential part of being civilized. 

If you think you aren’t ready for marriage and that you need more time to grow religiously or any other way, then start the process now! Be honest with yourself. Work towards your aim alongside with preparing yourself for a married life. But do keep in mind that this religious growth that you are aiming for can also be achieved along with your partner, and the sweetness of it is incomparable. If you still consider yourself not ready to experience such a beautiful Sunnah, then be honest with yourself and those involved n your life. Make lots of dua. A woman’s primary need is emotional; channelize this need in the right direction and towards halal means.

Posted in: Marriage,Relationships