Resiliency Gained - A Guide to Stress Reduction

by Umm Amin


Bismillahi Arrahmani Irrahiim

SubhanAllah! Is the babying crying? Did you lose your job? Somebody is spreading rumors about you? People are talking about that hijab on your hair! Maybe you’ve got to get dinner on the table by 6 pm. Perhaps you are caring for a family member with a long term condition, like Alzheimer’s disease or Diabetes Mellitus. You might be noticing the lack of invitations to upcoming parties, or have it up to your neck with your three children that argue nonstop. You could be recovering from a loss or going through a divorce. Whatever individual test reaches you, chances are you can seriously benefit from stress reduction! Yes, you got it. Less stress: turn the intensity down and chill out! Alhamdulillah.

Stress is a biological response. Allah made us to respond this way. Whether it’s a cold ice cube in your hand, a startling noise, the smell of burning toast, a terrible sour milk taste, or seeing a vehicle approaching you head on; stress begins with intense and vivid stimuli that are sent to the brain. Your brain interprets the information it receives, and the threat is categorized into passing or an ongoing and real threat (Seaward, 2002). When your brain perceives a persistent threat, the nervous and endocrine systems pump up and prepare to respond. As a result, you may become jittery or on edge until the threat has passed and calmness ensues. Some of the physiological effects include a rapid heart rate, a pounding heart, increased blood pressure, rapid breathing, increased blood sugar, increased blood clotting, diarrhea, enhanced muscle strength, and increased sweating (Seaward, 2002). While these responses would normally be beneficial when you are trying to escape a frightening encounter, they can be irritating if you experience them for minor confrontations or your symptoms do not subside rapidly.

Most people experience a bit of stress now and then, but it’s usually experienced briefly. There are ill effects of ongoing or prolonged stress. Although the list of ailments is no comprehensive or all inclusive, stress can produce episodes of asthma, decreased immune response, tension headaches, fertility issues, heart failure, anxiety, depression, aging, muscular pain, gastrointestinal disease, ulcerative colitis, acne, diabetes, migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, heart disease, high blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, blood clots, canker sores, teeth grinding, gingivitis, and psoriasis exacerbations(Griffin, 2010; Heller, Lee, and Koo, 2011; Nazario, 2010; Seaward, 2002; Tofler, Silver, and Solomon, 2011). Unmanaged stress spirals out of control, other illnesses flare up, and it becomes difficult to do your daily activities like waking up for fajr on time or completing household chores.

Since stress is detrimental to our long term health, it interferes with our performance as wives mothers, sisters, and parents. Poor coping techniques make our loved ones frustrated with our stress responses. It is imperative to whittle stress down to manageable levels. Stress can be ameliorated with a variety of management methods including guided imagery, time management, organization, visualizations, aromatherapy, conscious relaxation, humor, breathing techniques, meditation, and exercise (Chang and Shen, 2011; Kornsweig, 2011; Seaward, 2002; Sibinga et al., 2011).

You may be thinking, that’s all good but how can I relate to stress personally? Think of where Allah says in the Qur’an, Surah Ibraheem, 32-34, “It is Allah who created the heavens and the earth and sent down rain from the sky and produced thereby some fruits as provision for you and subjected for you the ships to sail through the sea by His command and subjected for you the fivers. And He subjected for you the sun and the moon, continuous [in orbit], and subjected for you the night and the day. And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favor [i.e. blessings] of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful.” By taking a few moments to focus on the simple parables that surround us, we have the opportunity to reflect upon the bounties we cherish every day. Enjoying a few moments basking in the sun, or contemplating the freshness of the drizzling rain that in turn brings forth fragrant and delicious fruits reduces stress and reminds us to set aside a few moments for relaxation and reflection. It also provides a few moments to thank Allah for the numerous simple treasures we cherish on a daily basis. 

That little voice keeps coming back to your head. In your mind you are saying, yea, but I need some real tips that I can put into my daily life. Finding a solution to your stress is an easy recipe. By starting a journal you can both jot down triggers to help you identify when stress is surmounting so you can take steps to intervene. You can also use reflective journaling as a means to positively cope and reframe your experiences to prevent your response to set backs or frustrations from being exaggerated.

There is an abundance of ways that you can fit stress reduction into your daily life. You can modify your lifestyle by adding in daily exercise, scheduling in naps or relaxations sessions, and limiting jitter inducing caffeine laden drinks such as cola, tea, coffee, and energy drinks. You can focus on having a positive outlook, and reframing problems to put them into perspective. You can ask for help, or exchange tips with other women while also enjoying the benefits of building loving friendship and engaging in camaraderie. You can learn relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, guided imagery, visualizations, acupressure points, or aromatherapy. Simply getting out into the outdoors relieves stress, increases your production of important neurotransmitters, enhances your mood, and affords you the opportunity to count the natural wonders and blessed beauties that surround you.

If you still lack beneficial strategies for reducing stress in your life, get out a pen and paper to start your personal stress buster list. Start out your list with some of the suggestions in the Ten Tension Reducers List, but add in additional ideas you dream up. Post the list in a place that will be easily accessible when you are feeling the constraints of stress. Make sure you pause and make a cognizant effort to select one of these liberating activities the next time you feel under duress.

Ten Tension Reducers

1. Spend 15-30 minutes reviewing surahs you have already memorized. You will find pleasure and comfort in reciting familiar words of the Qur’aan. Take a few minutes to reflect on the meaning of the ayat and apply them to your life.

2. Laugh. Tell a joke. Share a funny story with someone. Better yet, have a humor pal and send jokes to one another once a week. You’ll have something to anticipate in the mail!

3. Make a poem. Mount it on colorful construction paper. Decorate the edges with pretty ribbon. Gift it to a friend or loved one.

4. Take a walk in the park, or hike a nature trail. If you enjoy running, swimming, or biking, do it outside!

5. Plant a tree, a flower, or a small herb garden. Go back to enjoy it and rest by it from time to time.

6. Surround yourself with positive reinforcements and affirmations. Use quotes as well as bright, vivid images. Make a collage or paint a poster to hang up later. The picture you create will be both inspiring and invigorating later on.

7. Read a book to a child or elderly person. It will be a moment to relax and share together.

8. Practice deep breaths in which you draw air into your diaphragm and slowly let the air out. Mix it up by adding in a relaxing cup of mint or verbena tea.

9. Increase the colorful fruits and veggies in your diet! Get out to the local market to select fresh, beautiful natural food choices. Supplement that with a healthy dose of water each day.

10. Put a few drops of bergamot or eucalyptus oil into a warm bath. Top it off with some bubbles. It’s time for a good soak to relax your muscles and mind from head to toe.

References

Chang, K-M, and Shen, C-W. (2011). Aromatherapy benefits autonomic nervous system regulation for  elementary school faculty in taiwan. Evidence Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine.
Griffin, M. (2010). 10 health problems related to stress that you can fix. WebMD.  http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress management/features/10-fixable -stress-related-health-problems
Heller, M.M., Lee, E.S., Koo, J.Y. (2011). Stress as an influencing factor in psoriasis. Skin Therapy Lett,  16(5), 1-4.
Kornsweig, J. (2011). Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR): a monograph. Oriental Medicine, Spring, 19-33.
Nazario, B. (2010). How stress affects you oral health. WebMD. http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/healthy-teeth-2/stress-teeth
Saheeh International. (1997). The Qur’aan: An authentic, accurate, and clear English translation. Riyadh, Saudi Arabia: Abulqasim Publishing House.
Seaward, B. L. (2002). Managing stress: principles and strategies for health and wellbeing. 3rd ed. Sudbury, MA: Jones an Bartlett Publishers, Inc.
Sibinga, E., Kerrigan, D., Steward, M., Johnson, K., Magyari, T., and Ellen, J. (2011). Mindfulness-based stress reduction for urban youth. The Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 17(3), 213-218.
Tofler, G.H., Silver, J.M., and Solomon, D. (2011). Psychosocial and other acute factors in acute myocardial infarction. UpToDate. http://www.uptodate.com

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Yes, Women Can Work! (Part 2)

View Part 1 of this series HERE.


by Khadeejah Islam

The need to be productive and hence, working

Although most of the women now have a vision to be productive, there are many who do not have any definite aims. Why do we need to have big goals? What is the need to be productive? Why should we consider leaving a legacy? How does it matter if one woman does not contribute? Let us look at some of the reasons why a woman should be productive:

• Reward: We need to think of work as a ladder to success in the Hereafter. When a Muslimah looks after the sick, she will be rewarded insha’Allah. When a Muslimah raises children as good human beings, she will be rewarded insha’Allah.

• Halaal earning: There is nothing wrong in having a halaal earning, which she can invest in da’wah or charity projects. She can also utilize it to finance the needs of the family.

• Dispel the misconception: Many consider Muslim women as backward and oppressed. When you contribute to your family and the wider community, you are representing Islam in a positive light. This could work as an effective da’wah technique. Moreover, you will be helping to dispel much of Islamophobia. When non-Muslims see that you have the best kids in the neighbourhood, they will be inquisitive about Islam. When you start a project which eases the sufferings of others, it will soften the hearts of people.

• Catering to the needs of the Ummah: By starting up a project, you might be able to reduce unemployment and poverty. In addition, you might be able to inspire others to be productive in the society. With the number of Muslims rising, we need to have sufficient halaal output so that Muslim men, women and children have enough halaal options for entertainment, education, employment, and many other facilities.

• Utilize your blessings to the fullest: We are indeed blessed with many things, such as good health, sound mind, special skills, free will, merciful heart, basic amenities and much more. We need to recognize and utilize these to the fullest to show our gratefulness to Allah. Therefore, develop your hobbies and other special skills. This could also help you to avoid boredom. Remember that an idle mind allows Shaytan to instill evil thoughts, such as jealousy, suspicion, despair, etc. in you.

Similarities between Muslim house-wives and “working” women and how they both work

We often assume that the world of a working woman is distinct from the world of a house-wife. As a result, many women debate that either one of the two is superior to the other. I find this division unnecessary and illogical. Both types of women are indeed working – in their own fields, with their own levels of expertise. What we need to see is whether they have contributed to the best of their abilities in their respective fields. Have they succeeded in raising the most wonderful kids in the neighbourhood? Have they volunteered for a noble cause? Have they promoted, say, modesty by selling hijab materials? Apart from these, they share some excellent qualities and emotions:

• Undoubtedly, both want to balance work with other duties. In most cases, both are not so blinded by ambition that they will abandon their families. They believe in moderation, and at the end of the day, seek rewards from Allah.

• Both want to be productive solely for the sake of Allah. They are very clear about their intentions as well as their visions. They stay away from any activity which is forbidden by the Qur’an and Sunnah. Both want to incorporate Islam into every thing they do, wherever they are, whether at home or outside the home.

• Both have some womanly instincts in common, for example, empathy for others, appreciation for modesty, the ability to forgive quickly, concern for their families, etc.

How to encourage productivity of women

There are many men who complain about time-shifts. How can a woman pay attention to the family if she is working outside her home from 9 A.M. to 4 P.M., or even longer? The answer is quite simple. Everyone should come forward to build a workplace/work environment based on the teachings of Islam, instead of complaining about the lack of it! Therefore, for instance, time-shifts could be shorter and more flexible so that each woman will have to work outside the home for a couple of hours only, or will have the opportunity to take breaks between the working hours. Moreover, there are always home-based options.

Inspire others to be productive. Start with the people around you. Remind them why it is important to be productive. Recognize their talents if they have not done so themselves. Inspire them to be moderate and balanced.

Men could greatly encourage the women, whether she is a mother, wife, or sister, by helping with their projects. They can advise, or even take up certain areas of the project in their own hands. They may even initiate a certain project and delegate certain responsibilities to the women.

Make duaa. Ask Allah to enable Muslim women to be productive.

To be continued insha’Allah…

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Education Based On Application

by Khadeejah Islam

Back in school years, we were exposed to an educational curriculum which focused on learning through memorizing. In addition, we were led to believe that good grades along with a dozen of certificates reflected our aptitude. Therefore, most of our childhood years were spent in cramming notes and memorizing a large portion of the textbooks, even if we did not understand the concept. If we were to leaf through old textbooks, we would stumble upon a lot of pages marked with the words “memorize by heart.” Later in life, during the years in university, we were allowed a little bit of space as we were assigned projects where we had to apply the lessons that we learnt. However, at the end of the day, the students were still habituated to memorizing.

This system of learning continues even today. Most of the students memorize by heart before the exam, and once the exam is over, they unload their memory and hence, cannot retain most of what they had learnt, or even memorized (without learning or understanding). Such a method of learning has come under heavy criticism in the past few years. This is because memorizing perhaps ensured better grades, but later in life, the lessons memorized did not materialize into actions. In other words, the students, failing to grasp the concept, did not know how to implement or apply what they had learnt. As a result, they were unable to generate new ideas for the betterment of the society. Their individuality and creativity was stunted. Their productivity at work declined. The certificates were of little value. In addition, most of them were reluctant to participate in extra-curricular activities and community service projects, because they were too busy chasing certificates and grades.

It is indeed a pity that such a mode of learning has crept into the world of Islamic education. Nowadays, people are vocal about the importance of seeking and conveying knowledge, but the issue of application is ignored. There have been instances where duties involving application have been overlooked. The following are a few examples:

• People update their Facebook status with a verse from the Qur’an and think that they have “saved” the world. While such a technique is not really bad, and may convey the message of Islam easily, it should also be noted that others want to see how that verse can be applied in the modern world. Furthermore, not everyone uses Facebook, and even if they do, not all are regular. Therefore, implementation is essential to guide your neighbours and others with whom you interact on a regular basis.

• There are many who are so “busy” seeking and conveying knowledge that they do not have time to stop and ask others if they are in any need or not. They do not have time to respond to urgent messages. They do not have time to visit the sick. They do not have time to volunteer for community service projects as much as they should. Where is the implementation of the knowledge that they are seeking and preaching?

I urge my brothers and sisters to implement the knowledge as much as they are seeking and conveying it. The real test lies in application. For instance, it might be very easy to preach that we need to be patient, but harder to do so when we face a major loss in our own lives. 

Furthermore, many people, such as rape victims, do not hope for a long lecture, but they do expect you to drop by, spend some time with them and say a few words of kindness. The following are examples of ideas which need your application:

• Contribute an idea to reduce poverty and unemployment, or to support women battered by domestic violence or forced marriages.

• Represent Islam by engaging in beneficial causes, such as sponsoring orphans, raising awareness about AIDS, participating in various workshops, etc.

• Work with other Muslims on Islamic events and projects. There are many options out there. You can contribute by your skills of writing or halaal photography. You can organize halaal movie screenings in your area. You can donate to authentic websites and promote them.

• Do not cut off social interaction. We, as Muslims, have already been accused of “not integrating into the society.” Therefore, make it a point to maintain contact with others at least once a week. With the advent of social networking sites, this should be easy. Do not ignore mails, text messages and calls (unless absolutely necessary). Go around in your community, interact with others and see who needs help. Your neighbour might be suffering from domestic violence and may want your intervention.

• Keep up-to-date with current affairs. I do not understand why people ignore newspapers. I do not know of any ruling which says that reading newspapers is haraam. You need to know what’s happening where, so that if the need arises, you can do your bit to help. Newspapers often publish reports (especially local ones which do not receive much attention) which could help us to stay safe, to raise awareness, or to engage in charity. You can also participate in halaal events.

May Allah enable us to practise at home as well as in the wider community all the Islamic values that we preach. Ameen.

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Choosing Your Anger Destiny (SPANISH)

By Umm Amin
Translation by Holly Garza

SubHaana 'alaa! ¿Alguna vez has tenido un día largo de que haceres y lavando ropa, cocinando la cena y la comprobación de datos de sus hijos tareas cuando usted nota que alguien ha entrado en la casa? Imagínese si esa persona entra sin poner los zapatos en la puerta, dejando huellas de lodo por el suelo recién limpiado! Aaargh! ¿No te imaginas que puedes tirar las manos en el aire y gritar hasta que tu cara es color rojo? ¿O qué pasaría si te quedaras “callada” con mal humor seguida de comentarios negativos y quejas insinuando que estas enojada? Cualquiera de estas opciones permite que tus emociones se pongan a tu sangre a sentirse “a hervir”, y si no se controla estas podría afectar negativamente sus relaciones con sus seres queridos.

No nos queremos hacer daño con nuestra ira(coraje) o hacer daño con la ira a otros, ya que rompe la unión, paz y el tejido de familia y comunidad. En el libro mas noble de Díos leemos Sura Imran, 132 a 134, "¡Y obedeced a Alá y al Mensajero para alcanzar la misericordia. Y acelérense a suplicar el perdón de nuestro Señor y el jardín, es decir [ Paraíso] tan amplia como el cielo y la tierra, preparado para los justos y justas que se la pasan pasan [en la causa de Alá], durante la facilidad y las dificultades y que refrenar la ira y que el perdónan a la gente (a otros)-. Alá ama a quienes hacen el bien "

Está claro que el mensaje del Islam da mucha importancia y la recompensa a disipar la ira y perdonar a otros. Estos aleya nos muestran que abstenerse de la ira y perdonar a otros entre los que se gastan en el camino de Alá y son recompensados ​​con el paraíso!

Cuando nos encontramos con la ira (enjojados o llenos de coraje), nos debemos de tratar de dejar a nuestra esas emocíones, hacer dua, hacer el wudu, y perdonar a los demás. En Sahih Bujari bin Sulaiman Surd (que Allah esté complacido con él) narra: "Mientras yo estaba sentado en compañía del Profeta de Allah Salahu alaihi wa sallam, dos hombres se estaban maltratando uno al otro y la cara de uno de ellos se puso roja ye hinchado lleno de ira(coraje/enojo/rabia), y su vena yugular aumentó (es decir, se puso furioso). Y el Profeta, de Alá Salalaju alayhi wa sallam, dijo: "yo sé una palabra, el dicho de que hará que se relaje, si él hombre lo dice. Si él dice:. Me refugio con Allah de Satanás, entonces toda su ira(coraje/enojo/rabia) desaparecerá y relajara", Alguien le dijo a el. dijo el Profeta, Salalju alaihi wa sallam dijo '. Busque refugio en Allah de Satanás ", dijo el hombre enojado , "¿Estoy enojado?"

Estar enojado por un incidente puede ser beneficioso si toca a su energía para hacerse mas productiva, facilitar hacerte un cambio positivo, o si este enjo te hace abrir la comunicación de mensajes poderosos, o la identificación de un problema para que puedas comenzar a remediarlos. Sin embargo, la ira (coraje/enojo/rabia) desenfrenada arruina relaciones, ahoga la creación de soluciónes cooperativas, cierra diálogo, y domina la colaboración esencial de otro modo podría haber sido solicitado como las estrategias para alcanzar un objetivo común.

Esencialmente, la ira (coraje/enojo/rabia) es el resultado del fracaso de alcanzar una meta deseada (Bowness et al., 2008). Básicamente, se imagina llegar a su destino final - como un piso de cocina impecablemente limpia, pero un problema como pistas de lodo le impide llegar a su destino del piso limpio que usted imagina o desea al llegar. Cuando encuentre esas huellas manchando su piso, su furia lo impulsa a seguir adelante y superar el obstáculo. La ira puede ser negativa incorporar como rabietas, furioso, la ira activa, comportamiento impulsivo, percepciones distorsionadas y una serie de acciones que socavan la confianza y rompe relaciones (Geroloff, 2000). Del mismo modo que alguien que reprime la ira puede interpretar la ira como estar fuera de control, incompatible con el amor, mala educación, o contrario a la esencia del perdón (Gerloff, 2000). Como consecuencia de la represión ira, algunas personas se sienten victimizados, impotente, atrapados en una situación injusta, o hasta incluso se sienten en la depresión. Ellos no toman medidas para evitar la repetición de cortes de carretera (soluciones al problema) por completo caso omiso de su ira. Según un psicólogo Dr. Hoskins a fin de evitar lamenta y positivamente controlar la ira, una persona "se siente lleno de la ira, identifica el resultado deseado, y expresa sentimientos de una manera que preserva las relaciones (Gerloff, 2000)."

Cuando surge un tema caliente(algo que te hace sentir ira, coraje o no muy bonito y se genera una discusión, tome unos minutos para calamarte y pensarlo todo. Dua, la realización de la ablución, sentadote o acostandote son unas de las posibilidades para una escapadita en la que se puede reflejar. No perder de vista el panorama – o sea mantente en reflecion de tu meta y lo que quieres alcanzar -manteniendote en la vista de lo que quieres pone las cosas en perspectiva. Aquí es donde puedes ver que tan importante es esto y reflecionar sobre esto. Puede ser que tenga que considerar si sus expectativas son realistas o no razonables - puede un niño de dos años muy quieto durante dos horas mientras el té con los clientes? ¿Hay un momento más apropiado para discutir el tema? Piense si es posible que se sienta mejor después de una buena dosis de ejercicio - a veces un paseo o una caminadita en el aire fresco le permite reflexionar y te da espacio para pensar. Si estás atrasado (anochado) de sueño lleno de fatiga, a lo mejor con un bien descanso piensa mejor?

Cuando usted se siente los síntomas de la rabia - enrojecimiento de la cara, palpitaciones, aumento de la presión arterial - frío hacia abajo con una técnica de relajación. No importa que método o methodos usted usen, ya sean relajación incluyendo una pausa para contar hasta diez, una caminadita, haciendo wudu o dua -un refresco, o acostadandote para cerrar los ojos e imaginar las olas del mar se extiende hacia fuera para darle la bienvenida – usted se volverá renovado después de estas acíones. Una vez que tenga toda la compostura y la calma, piensa en el verdadero problema a la mano e intenta un enfoque a la identificación de posibles soluciones. Describa sus sentimientos con "yo" en lugar de culpar a alguien (personal de la Clínica Mayo, 2011). Por ejemplo, usted podría decir "yo estaba frustrado porque he hecho mucho trabajo para encontrar que el piso este lleno de lodo", en lugar de ", tenias que haber quitado tus zapatos!?!" Tenga en cuenta la situación desde otro ángulo, a veces incluso puede ser divertido y se puede usar el humor para aliviar la tensión.

Ultimadamenta, cuando te enojas puedes manejar tus emociones con una variedad de técnicas. Usted puede suprimirlo, expresarlo, o calmarlo ( a sus emociones) (Bowness et al., 2008). Básicamente, usted puede decidir cómo va a controlar su ira de manera positiva, de los cuales 1) quedanso callada y llena de ira, 2) Canalizar la ira en las actividades productivas y positivas, como el ejercicio, limpiando, nuevas metas o 3) Contener la ira mediante el uso de técnicas de relajación y reducción del estrés consciente. Además, puede reflexionar sobre los sentimientos que estás teniendo mietras en la rabia y analizar donde esta su prolema. Analizando sus pensamientos le permite identificar cuál es el problema con la que se enfrenta, y pensar en el resultado que desea. A continuación, puede considerar todas las posibles y acciones disponibles, y pensar en las consecuencias de ambas opciones positivas y negativas (Bowness, 2008).

Manejo de la ira con éxito(buenos resultados) significa tomar decisiones conscientes y positivamente sobre el reconocimiento de las emociones de ira y dar pasos hacia su meta deseada, sin crear daño a usted o a cualquier otra persona. Al analizar sus opciones, puede seleccionar la ruta que más positivamente logra llegar a su destino. La conclusión es que expresando tu enojo con habilidad y positivamente. La ira en sí misma no es perjudicial - puede ser una motivación para el cambio y la fuerza que te empuja una hacia el crecimiento y soluciones, siempre y cuando se experimenta y se expresa dentro de las fronteras y los límites apropiados.

Usted puede tener una causa legítima de la ira, pero el perdón provoca ayuda y apoyo en la prevención de un problema que se produzca de nuevo. Después de todo, aprendemos en Sahih Bukhari que Abu Huraira narró: que el Profeta de Alá sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, dijo: "Cuando Dios completó la creación, escribió en su libro, que esta con Él en Su Trono," Mi Misericordia Domina a mi ira. "Por otra parte, en el Sahih Bukhari, el Libro de la Fe, nos enteramos de que el Profeta Mohammad sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, dijo:" Ninguno de ustedes (realmente) tiene fe hasta que quiera para su hermano lo que quiere para sí mismo. "Parte de nuestro amor por los demás debe ser la capacidad de ponernos en sus zapatos, para considerar su punto de vista, y ofrecer el perdón y la misericordia cuando podríamos estar enojado. Y ningún ser humano es más misericordioso que Dios, ARRahman, y en el Día del Juicio todos vamos a buscar la misericordia de ArraHeem!

Referencias

Bujari. (2010). Sahih Bukhari. Obtenido de Internet desde: http://www.sahihalbukhari.com/sps/sbk/
Bowness et al. (2008). manejo de la ira creativa: una visión general. En salud mental por
Enfermería de Salud: Capacidades, Roles y Responsabilidades. Londres, Reino Unido: Libros Quay.
Gerloff, L. (2000). Manejo de la Ira. RN Mississippi, 62 (4).
Personal de la Clínica Mayo. (2009). Manejo de la Ira: Diez maneras de dominar su temperamento.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102
Sahih Internacional. (1997). El Corán: Una auténtica, precisa y clara Inglés
traducción. Ryadh, Arabia Saudita: Editorial Abulqasim.

Link For English Article - http://www.habibihalaqas.org/2011/04/choosing-your-anger-destiny.html

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Distance Makes The Hearts Grow Fonder

by Sister Sunshine Smiles

In the bareness of this world, we find our hearts growing hard. We begin to get more involved in our own self and care lesser about others. We begin to sin mindfully unable to realize the graveness of the situation. We don’t understand, how slowly and steadily we are unconsciously taking steps away from our Deen.

We wander, in our idleness, in any direction. The minute our minds are idle Shaytan is working tricks in there. We think unnecessarily and we make blunders. And then we work and live on those blunders. We move away from our focused goals. We get confused in the diversity of the actual destination and the road that may lead to it. We compromise on our strictness and we expect Allah(SWT) to understand and forgive. Why shouldn’t we be forgiven? The reasons for our deception are innumerous after all. And the truth is that we are all sinners. And we will continue to be the same, knowingly and unknowingly. Sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of plain provocation, And sometimes, out of utter senselessness and our inability to function at certain times. Something that the Shaytan takes full advantage of.

In such perspective how does “Distance make the heart grow fonder.”

Most of us are familiar with this famous quote. And when it comes to grounds of interpretation our instincts flow towards the material reasoning. It may hold true for your better half living halfway oceans apart or it maybe true for your nearest family members who you have migrated away from after marriage or it may be due to your university that is keeping you away from your family for pure career purposes. Whichever reason it is, we all will agree that most of the times, when you lose something, you realize its worth even more. And sometimes, we know its worth but fail to give it the importance that it deserves. Why? Because we live in a world that is too busy hypnotizing us to the unimportant things by making it look more important in this world. Whatever it is, if I am talking in perspective of people, staying away from the people you love makes you realize their importance and their worth and how dependent on them you have been. It makes you realize that every person in your life plays a role and most of the times we tend to ignore the tiny roles which happen to hold great significances.

When I was a teenager I wanted my space, my privacy, my freedom like every youngster these days wants. And I fought for it knowing that it probably wasn’t the best measure to resort to but for me, it was important to make my parents realize that where we lived wasn’t the best place to acquire higher education. Though now in time, I have learnt that acquiring Islamic education holds way more importance than the worldly one, Alhumdulillah. Anyways, in this whole “running behind what I want to become” process I didn’t realize how far from my Deen I was taking myself to, like literally but unintentionally. I would barely call myself a practicing Muslimah in that time and I, very conveniently made excuses to myself for the stacks and heaps of sins I was accumulating. But in my heart, however, the seed of my religion was deeply routed and nurtured by my parents from childhood so I knew I was faulting. I kept saying to myself that I needed to get better no matter how difficult it was going to be yet until I graduated out from University there was a minutely noticeable change in that.

What happened after that is the part I love the most. After I moved back with my family, I had this yearning to repent for being such an unpractising Muslimah. I felt terribly guilty for using worldly excuses and putting away more important things under the carpet. Islam had always interested me as I was growing up and I had too many questions to find answers for, hence my hunger for the knowledge of my Deen. When I set out to the path of increasing my knowledge I felt at instant peace. I knew that this is something I wanted to keep growing with.

Today, I know that my knowledge is probably like a few drops as compared to the ocean of wisdom that Islam has to offer to me and I know that my journey will be long and challenging. But I am also very sure that my real journey has started off, May Allah keep me guided always, InshaAllah.

I also hope that Allah(SWT) guides us Muslimahs to the light and that we all learn in our own ways. We all have different lives and different experiences and I hope we all benefit and learn from what we are put through.

I would like to end with the wise words of Ibn Qayyim that brought solace to me on reading,

"Sin may be more beneficial for a person, if it leads him to repent, than doing a lot of acts of worship.”

This is what is meant by the words of one of the salaf: A person may commit a sin and enter Paradise because of it, or he may do an act of worship and enter Hell because of it.

When asked, “ How is that?”

He said: “He may commit a sin and continues to think about it, and when he stands or sits or walks he remembers his sin, so he feels ashamed and repents and seeks forgiveness and regrets it, so that will be the means of his salvation. And he may do a good deed and continue to think about it, and when he stands or sits or walks he remembers it and it fills him with self-admiration and pride, so it is the cause of his doom.”

So we all fall into ditches occasionally! Some of us are pushed into it, some trip in by mistake and some choose to jump right in. But, At the end of it, what matters is, how much that struggle in getting out of the ditch teaches you and how well you manage to dust yourself off !

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Yes, Women Can Work (Part 1)

Yes, Women Can Work (Part 1)

by Khadeejah Islam

“Is education like M.B.B.S. (or MD) allowed for females where they examine naked males? Should a woman be permitted to practice medicine when there are so many males who can do that job, and when the woman will have to work from 9 A.M. to 4 P.M.? Will such a woman be able to give time to the family? Should we allow our women (Muslim women) to go out and expose themselves to the society?” 

I was taken aback when a brother posted this question at a forum, not because it questioned working women, but because it implied a certain misconception of the definition of work. The idea that Muslim women should not work is still plaguing a large section of the Muslim Ummah. Therefore, I decided to explore this topic and illustrate the following points:

• The permissibility of women working outside the home in the views of Islamic scholars.

• The actual definition of work and how it relates to productivity both at home and outside the home.

• The need to be productive and hence, working.

• Similarities between house-wife and “working” women and how they both work.

• Areas where women can lend their productivity.

• How to encourage productivity of women.

The permissibility of women working outside the home in the views of Islamic scholars

“If a woman has professional skills which not every woman possesses, and which are needed by other woman and society as a whole, then it is permissible for her to practice her profession outside the home, so long as she adheres to the conditions prescribed by sharee’ah and has the permission of her legal guardian. It is permissible for a female doctor to open a clinic outside her home for the treatment of women and children. Such clinics make it easy for sick women to come to a female doctor; hence they no longer have to uncover their ‘awrah before a male doctor when they need treatment. In principle, men should be treated by male doctors and nurses, and women by female doctors and nurses. There should be no mixing of the sexes in medical treatment, except when it is necessary and as long as there is no fear of temptation.” [1].

“There is no decree in Islam which forbids woman from seeking employment whenever there is a necessity for it, especially in positions which fit her nature and in which society needs her most. Examples of these professions are nursing, teaching (especially for children), and medicine. Moreover, there is no restriction on benefiting from woman's exceptional talent in any field.” [2]

“In a truly Islamic society, there must be women physicians, women nurses, women teachers.” [3].

“The Quranic verse: ‘remain at your homes…’ (Quran 33:33) has been misinterpreted by many, and so has the right of stewardship or Qawama. In many instances we see men objecting to women's participation in Da'wah and thus preventing them from fulfilling their role toward their fellow Muslims and to the larger society in general.” [4].

“Even if a doctor does not treat women except in cases of necessity, he must learn how to treat both sexes, because a woman may not be able to find a female doctor in a certain specialty or in a certain city. Hence there is nothing wrong with the doctor studying drawings that show the human body, whether they are of men or women.” [5].

The actual definition of work and how it relates to productivity both at home and outside the home

What crosses your mind when you think of a Muslim working woman? A scantily-clad, arrogant woman who has no consideration for her family? This is where we make the mistake. We think of working women as defined by the media of secular countries. We do not think of them according to the Islamic standards. We do not imagine a pious Muslimah working diligently outside her home and balancing family duties as well.

The word ‘work’ has eleven different meanings. It is defined as an “employment, occupation, etc., especially as means of earning money.” [6]. It is also defined as an “application of effort to a purpose.” [7]. 

The latter definition is worth noting. It does not specify the purpose and it does not mention the earning of money as a reason why one would choose to apply one’s effort (or to work). Therefore, a Muslim woman can apply her efforts to any purpose, both at home and outside her home. When a Muslimah tends to an ailing relative, she is indeed working. When a Muslimah rears her children in the best of manners, she is considered to be working as well. When a Muslimah volunteers for a beneficial cause, she is working.

In conclusion, it does not matter if the task undertaken is a paid one or not, and if it is done at home or not, as long as the woman is being productive, she is working. In that case, every woman is a working woman. This should put a lot of misconceptions at rest.

To be continued insha’Allah…In the mean time please leave your views on this article in comments section. We would love to hear your feedback! Thank you.

Footnotes:

[1] http://islamqa.com/en/ref/286/

[2] The Status of Women in Islam, Dr. Jamal Badawi. http://islamswomen.com/articles/status_of_women_in_islam.php

[3] http://islamswomen.com/articles/do_muslim_women_have_rights.php

[4] Women in Da'wah, 'Abdul Latif M. Al-Hassan and Sumayyah Bint Joan. http://islamswomen.com/articles/women_in_dawah.php

[5] http://islamqa.com/en/ref/40054/

[6] Oxford Compact Dictionary and Thesaurus (edited by Julia Elliott), page-890.

[7] Oxford Compact Dictionary and Thesaurus (edited by Julia Elliott), page-890.

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Thank You For Asking

Thank You For Asking

by Raima Amin

“Where are you from?”

I sigh, exhausted. I am not tired physically; my shift has only begun, but I’m worn out by these persistent four words, posed as a question, which seem to follow me everywhere without reprieve. Where do I begin this time?

“Oh, I was born and raised here.” I try to appear as if the question surprised me, to make them doubt whatever prompted them to ask. Sometimes, if I say these words just right, or if the patient is already disoriented due to age or illness, I’ll catch a look of embarrassment cross their faces.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” they’ll say. “For some reason, your skin just looked a little dark to me.” I smile sympathetically, as if I have no idea what they’re talking about. I hope that my response will let the moment pass, that it will allow me to do my job without entertaining any follow-up questions of what a brown, hijabi girl like myself is doing here in Montana.

Most of the time, however, I’m not so lucky. “So what nationality are you?” is almost bound to come next.

“American.” I raise my voice slightly and look them directly in the eye to ensure my words are clear. This is typically the forking point in the conversation. Some will find it an appropriate moment to end their inquiries, but most are left unsatisfied. What I have suggested is unthinkable, and their minds simply won’t allow them to accept it. The idea that I am an American. That I was born and raised in Bozeman, and thereby, also qualify as a Montanan, even a Bozemanite. No, somehow this idea is too foreign to allow. After all, this is Montana. Rural, under-developed, Montana. There may be diversity in places like New York or California, but Montana? No, this place is for 3^rd and 4^th generation cowboys and ranchers, with skin that is as white as white can be. I’m often amazed by how this deeply ingrained idea can allow people to supersede the most basic pretenses of common sense.

“So…how long have you been here?”

I’m tempted to frown and raise my eyebrows. Didn’t I just say I was born here? Now you take a guess. Instead I respond calmly. “Well, I’ve lived here my whole life, so…it’s been about twen-ty…”

My audience watches anxiously. I realize they won’t be satisfied until I spell it out completely. “Twenty years.” I smile again, for that is all I can do to hide my frustration.

“Wow, that’s longer than I’ve been here!”

Yup, that’s what I figured. It is so often the case.

“Great place to live, huh?”

“Yeah, I love it! Anyway, I’m here to draw some blood from you…”

“Oh that’s right. Sorry about that.”

Finally. I am allowed to do what I came here for. Draw some blood, perhaps do an EKG, and promptly get out of their way. I am not paid to display my brown-ness, my hijab, or entertain questions from curious patients. Those come unsolicited. It’s not that I don’t mind answering. I could not be more proud of who I am, and I’m honored to be an ambassador for my faith. But sometimes, I just wish I could go unnoticed. It grows tiresome to constantly be the center of attention. Sometimes, I want only to elicit the same feelings of dread and discomfort that is prompted at the sight of other phlebotomists, my coworkers. Instead, my presence seems to trigger unending curiosity and a long train of questions. The “Where are you from?” questions are often followed by another series, with the related theme of “Why do you look that way?” It usually goes something like this.

“So, if you’re an American, then why do you dress that way?”

“Oh, that’s because I’m Muslim.” I want to tell them more, but phlebotomy is not the most ideal setting in which to engage in long theological discussions. I glance down at my hand-held “Mobilab”, displaying several other room numbers spread across the hospital where blood draws are due. I know if I don’t move quickly, my pager will begin beeping incessantly. I really don’t have time to stand here and play 20 Questions.

“Does your husband require you to dress that way?” I know they’re trying to be polite, but these questions are shocking nonetheless. Now I feel obligated to answer, to correct their misconceptions, to show them how far off they are.

“Well, I don’t have a husband,” I begin, as I tell them about the true motivations behind my choice of dress. I try to explain, in as few words as possible, the wisdom behind my modesty and the free will in all my choices. When I’m finished, I’m glad I took the time to share. My audience, often times consisting of the patient and several family members or friends, have a look of new-found respect. They finally understand, Alhamdulillah.

“That’s beautiful,” they say. “How long is your hair?” I think they realize that this isn’t entirely appropriate, but they take a chance anyway. “Oh I don’t know. Medium, I guess,” I have no idea what that means, and I hope they feel the same way. What I really want to explain is why they should never ask that of a hijabi, but I leave the message to be understood by my body language, my unspoken words.

“Well, it was nice to meet you!” I wave and dispose of my gray gloves now sticking to my hands with sweat, an indication that I have already been here too long. I close the door as I exit. I sigh, this time with satisfaction.

In all honesty, I’m glad they ask. I’d rather answer them myself than have them seek out answers from other sources that are untruthful or misleading. But at the same time, it feels like a cumbersome task, and I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle it. I’ve always been a quiet person, much more comfortable as a listener than a speaker. And yet, more and more, I’ve found that my commitment to Islam has increasingly pushed me into the spotlight. I thought wearing hijab would be a personal journey, part of a larger struggle to follow my religion as it was prescribed, in hopes of benefiting from its infinite wisdom and blessings.

However, I soon realized that practicing Islam, although a personal experience, requires many outward involvements. Unless I choose to become a hermit, I cannot expect to follow Islamic principles and go unnoticed by others. It’s impossible to pray five times a day, every day, all within the privacy of my own home. As a result, I’ve grown accustomed to praying behind bookshelves in my school library, where fellow patrons unknowingly come upon my location. During the month of fasting, I am often offered food during the day, obliging me to explain myself, explain Ramadan, and educate others about Islam. Considering this, it seems foolish to expect that I can wear hijab and not be questioned for it. Not in Montana, where strangers wave to each other in the streets and pass friendly greetings to those they have never met before. Perhaps I am lucky. I’ve never had the option of “blind faith,” because even if I don’t question why I practice Islam, there will always be others around me who will ask, compelling me to seek out answers to explain my faith. I don’t believe Montanans are unusually ignorant about Islam. Maybe they are just unusually curious. They are not satisfied to accept the rampant stereotypes when presented with the perfect opportunity to find out for themselves. When I knock on patient doors to draw blood, I present such an opportunity, and they embrace it. Instead of being frustrated for standing out, perhaps I should be grateful for their good nature. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by their questions, perhaps I should appreciate their curiosity for having helped me to further understand myself.

Thank you for wondering, for demanding the truth, and thank you for asking. I’m happy to answer.

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Why Modesty Is More Important Than Ever Before

Why Modesty Is More Important Than Ever Before
By Jenn Fawzy

Fashion often dictates what we choose to wear each morning. Halter tops, Capri pants and spaghettis are just a few styles that women like to wear because they have nice cuts and sleek designs. Sometimes we choose our clothing based upon the seasons or occasions. As religious women, are we choosing clothes that reflect what we believe or what is popular in magazines?

Modesty is a virtue that is disappearing in our society. We see men and women dressed in clothing that still makes them look almost nude. No one even seems to notice anymore as miniskirts and shorter shorts has become the norm. In fact, when we see women who are covered up, it looks out of place or almost odd. We have a duty as women of faith to separate ourselves from secular society not only in action but in the fashion world as well.

Muslim women also feel like they have to justify why they dress modestly to non-Muslims. Societies that are not familiar with Islamic doctrine think that somehow modesty has to do with culture. It was customary for women in all societies to dress modestly, but over time, that has changed.

The sexual revolution in the USA in part caused women to shed their respectable garments for more sexy and revealing attire proclaiming that women can be as sexual as men, and that their bodies are beautiful creations that they should not be ashamed of. While this statement holds true, it is used in the wrong context usually. A woman can wear whatever she wants at home with her family or even alone. Why does she have to showcase herself to people that she does not know outside the home? Why can’t she wear what she likes instead of what fashion experts want her to wear?

These days, women are judged for how skinny they are, or how sexy they look instead of more important characteristics. Instead of liberating women to truly act equally as men, we are now reduced to sexual objects only desired for their bodies. How often do you see men parading about in a halter top or see through shorts?

The media uses female sexuality to sell everything from food to cars reducing it to a sales pitch instead of something that God has ordained to be protected. The West hardly thinks of sex as something that is sacred. Sex has devolved into an act that you can do randomly with strangers just for fun. It is no longer a physical expression of love that you share with your spouse.

The real issue at hand is how to maintain your modesty. It is difficult to find appropriate clothes in many shopping malls and clothing retailers. The fashion industry wants you to bare your arms, legs and bosoms because they realize the one thing that you do not. The more skin you show, the more naked you become. I understand that arms and legs are not sexual organs and their function is not to reproduce, but they are parts of your body that deserve the same level of respect as the more private parts do. Just because your arms and legs are not sexual organs does not mean that they are not beautiful and sensual.

The beauty industry knows that a woman’s body is beautiful. This is the reason that there is a product that exists for every part of a woman’s body from her eye lashes to her toe nails and earlobes. Men do not have such products that accentuate their beauty, but women do. There is nothing wrong with being sexy and beautiful, but we as women have to keep it from becoming excessive.

We have to be mindful of how we dress because it is a display of how we think of ourselves and how we want people to treat us. If we are dressed in revealing clothing, men may treat us in such a way that is offensive. Women are not responsible for the actions of such men, but choosing proper clothing will help us to divert negative advertisement of ourselves.

Dave Chappell (a comedian) actually addressed this issue on one of his shows in an indirect way. He said, “If you dress up as a police officer, I will treat you like a police officer. You are wearing a police officer’s uniform. Even if you are pretending to be an officer, I would not know the difference because I am treating you based on how you look.” People do that! It is natural. We know a dog is a dog based on how it looks, barks, and wags its tail. I am sure that some people thought a wolf was a dog, but again there are exceptions, but exceptions do not change the rule.

Modesty reasserts our God given equality to men. Men pay more attention to their visual senses, while women heed more to what they hear. Men find women beautiful and when they see our skin, it is arousing to them. If we cover our skin, a man is able to focus on the task at hand instead of becoming distracted by our looks. We do not have to give up our femininity to be treated equally as men. By giving up our femininity we actually become more masculine, and this is not being equal to a man, it is becoming one.

You can still be a fashionable, beautiful woman even if you are covered up. There are so many prints and colors that you can try along with layering your clothes. I am sure people will say, “Layering clothing will make you become hot” or “I live in the desert” and that is okay. Cotton is lightweight and allows air to circulate through, so you can wear more light colored cotton fabrics.

To truly be modest on the outside, you have to be modest on the inside as well. Pray for God to help you with your modesty, and don’t give up. It may be difficult at first, but all things in life that are worth the fight are. May God bless you and your efforts.

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