Moment Of Truth

Moment Of Truth

By Amal Milaa Filza

It was just another cold winter day, I was hearing the rain drops falling on the roof. I stared at the ceiling of my room, my tears were blocking my view. The regret was eating me up inside. I shut my eyes and try not to think about anything at all. 

I felt horrible, and all I could do was asking for forgiveness. I knew that I could only turn to Allah subhaana wa ta'aala, only He could take away my pain, only He could show mercy to me, because Allah subhaana wa ta'aala is Oft-forgiving, most Merciful.

When I woke up the next morning, I had this huge headache and I felt even worse than before. But there was nothing I could do, to change what I had done. People told me I was making a big deal out of nothing, that I was being silly and I shouldn’t worry too much. In their eyes I didn’t do anything wrong, but in my eyes I felt like I did make a terrible mistake and that I disappointed myself and even more important I disappointed my creator..

I guess we all have those moments. The moment that we wish we could turn back time. Pretend like nothing ever happened and continue our everyday life.*Sigh* but then we come to reality and find out we will never be able to press rewind and we just have to live with our actions from the past. Very often you forget your own mistakes over time, but just when you want to forget something.. it just stays on your mind 24/7 and no matter how hard you try to make it disappear, like a shadow it will follow you with every step you make.

I remembered reading something the other day, I immediately stood up and looked it up;

Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Seek help from Allah (SWT) and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don't say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say: Allah (SWT) did that what He had ordained to do and your "IF" opens the (gate) for the Satan." [Sahih Muslim Book 33 #6441]

After reading that I felt guilty, of course Allah subhaana wa ta'aala wanted that to happen to me, so I could learn from my mistakes and it would make me a stronger Muslim. And instead of thanking Allah subhaana wa ta'aala for giving me an opportunity to grow I was letting Satan have the time of his life and laugh at me for giving him what he wants! I am going through a test and even though I messed up the first time, I wasn’t planning on doing it again. So I picked myself up, I closed that chapter of my life and turned the page. That moment of change made me the person I am today, so guess who is laughing the last laugh. :)

Posted in: Islam