Inner Struggle-Pleasing Allah,Displeasing Others
By Umm AbdullahSister, it has been a year
Well over a year, and I’m still counting the days
I ask myself every now and again
How can one love someone today
And hate her tomorrow?
How could one experience so much happiness one day
And experience so much sadness the next?
How could we cause so much pain knowingly to one another?
I do truly love you but Umar ibn al-Khattaab (RA) advised that,
“Your love should not reach the point of infatuation
and your hatred should not reach the point of destruction”
I have asked myself time after time
What happened? What went wrong?
There were lots of issues, no doubt
Lots of bickering and wrangling
But, I never thought it would reach this magnitude
If I don’t bring birthday gifts
It is nothing personal
If I’m strict about what the children watch on TV
It is nothing to do with the TV being mine
But it is everything to do with our akhirah
The ‘gisting’ doesn’t really appeal to me
It is a glamorised form of backbiting and slandering
I have to use my hijab in front of a non-mahram relative
No matter how close and nice he is
The late night parties is really not my thing
Sitting and smiling with those who openly flouts Allah’s rules
Now to the crux of the matter
The issues of Iman and Tawheed
Being superstitious and suspicious of everybody
You feel I have not seen enough of the world
I believe we have to take precautions
But precautions prescribed to us by our Noble prophet (SAW)
I do blame myself because…………..
There were times that I smiled but was boiling inside
That I could have talked but kept quiet
That I should have explained myself but waited for you to ask the questions
Pretend, I couldn’t no more
I had to come clean and ask forgiveness from Allah
Because I knew the wrong from the right all along
But I was trying so much to please people and to be accepted
However, there is no displeasing Allah in pleasing others
This didn’t go down well with you
But the spring cleaning has to continue no matter what
Yes, I might have made some rash decisions
And taken some bold steps
I might seem uptight and strict now
On my part, I am trying to be the best Muslimah I can be
As we are instructed to practice to the best of our ability
If only you know how I am struggling with life and my deen
You will know I am not as strict as you thought
The holier-than-thou attitude you perceive is all a farce
But I am placing all my trust in Allah because He says,
“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him
He will make a way for him to get out from every difficulty
And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him” (Q65:2-3)
Sister, it has been a year
And I’m still counting the days
You moved out without telling me
Even though you live close by
You made conscious efforts to avoid me
But remember, the prophet (SAW) said:
“It is not permissible for a believer to forsake his
Muslim brother for more than three days”.
I know you must feel hurt and disappointed
but why?…I can only guess
I still remember the happy times we had
We have confided in each other during some down moments
But the stand, I have taken is nothing personal
There is nothing stopping us from living wholesome happy lives
We just have to let go of all that is dark and lifeless
I am deeply hurt, you won’t take my calls or reply my emails
But If only…………….
We can see the heart when it is hurt
How heavy it is
Tearing away deep inside
But hidden away from the glare of the prying eyes
Aching for succour and yearning for relief
If only………………………..
We realise how sensitive the heart is
How much kindness and empathy would we have shown?
If only we can see its vulnerability
How much patience would we have shown?
If only we can see its confusion
How much calmness would have been shown?
If only we can turn back the hands of the clock
Word defies what would have been done differently
But if only ………………..
Is only from Shaytan
It is better to move on
Seek forgiveness and don’t dwell on the past
If only……………
We can smell the fragrance of forgiveness
Or taste the sweetness of forgiveness
How great a relief would it be
If only………….
We can see the heart when it has shown forgiveness
And when it has been shown forgiveness
How light and full of light it is
If only we can feel
If only we can see
If only we know
How swiftly would we forgive?
How patient would we have been?
How much more would we have endured?
Sister, it has been a long year of silence
Filled with anger
Filled with fear
The fear of the unknown – that who would die first
And what awaits us in the hereafter
If only we realise the superficiality of this world
Everything else will pale out
Ibn mas’ud (RA) said, “As you walk in the night and day
Your age decreases and your deeds are recorded
And death will suddenly come
Whoever sows good deeds, he will harvest goodness
Whoever sows evil deeds, he will harvest regrets
I fear for the minuteness of my good deeds
And the weight of my evil deeds”
Indeed, this is a reminder for you and me
Because this widening gap between us does weigh me down I must confess
Then, in my case I would keep supplicating
Hoping Allah would answer my prayers
Hoping Allah would forgive me and accept my good deeds
Hoping those that I’ve offended would forgive me
As He says: “I am as My servant expects of Me”
Believing in His messenger’s (SAW) words that:
"No Muslim who makes a supplication
That does not contain any sin or cutting of relations,
Allah will grant him one of three things:
Either Allah will immediately respond to his supplication, or
He may keep or store the answer for the Hereafter, or
He will turn away from him an equivalent amount of evil or harm."
The Companions asked what if they keep requesting Allah.
The Prophet (SAW) replied: "Then Allah shall give you even both."
Then in my case I would be patient
Because they say patience is bitter in taste
But its outcomes are sweeter than honey
Sister, it has been a long year
Just to let you know you are in my thoughts
May Allah ease your affairs -ameen
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