by Rubina Siddiqi
It is He who created you from a single person, and made from his mateoflike nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love) - Al-A'raf: 189
All marriages have their ups and downs - but seeking Allah’s help (subhana wa ta’ala) and making dua at times of distress for every issue helps sort out the problems most effectively.
Role of our Deen:
We should try our level best to make our faith/Deen a priority in our lives. Let it be the foundation on which you build your life together. The Barakah (blessings) this will bring in your life will be obvious to experience and witness, Inshallah. Strong Iman and Taqwa should be an important part of a healthy marriage. Our Faith is not just a religion but it is complete guidance regarding howweshould live our lives. As individual Muslims, you and your spouse maybe on different “wavelengths”; meaning you may see things somewhat differently in matter where there is room for disagreement. Take this as an opportunity to grow together in thedeen and do Islamic things together. Simple acts of praying together, attending halaqas together, or reading the Quran and discussing its meaning will not only help strengthen your faith in Islam, but will also become a common thread that will bind you together. The beauty of Islam is that every minor and major thing has been made very clear. A couple will find a clear perspective regarding the different issues in their marriage, be it their rights, duties, responsibilities etc.
Ibn Umar (radi Allahu anhu) relates that the Holy Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wasallam said: ‘Everyone of you is a protector and guardian of his immediate charge and is responsible for the actions of those persons who are committed to his charge. A ruler is also a steward, a man is a steward in respect of his family members of his house, and a woman is a steward in respect of her husband’s house and children. In short every one of you is a steward and accountable for those who are placed under his care.' (Bukhari and Muslim)
Be a Friend to each other :
This is a simple yet important aspect of marriage. Do things that you enjoy together as a couple. Try to show enthusiasm for each other’s likes and hobbies. Joke around with your spouse as this lightens the atmosphere at home. Share your laughter with each other.
Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: while she was on a journey along with the Apostle of Allah salAllahu aleyhi wasallam: I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him (the Prophet) and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping. - Sunan Abu Dawood - Book 14, Number 2572
It is also necessary to take time out for each other when you can talk about everything and nothing. Take a trip down memory lane whether you have been married for a year or 20 years. Remind yourselves of the good times spent together and look back on how you have grown together as individuals and as a couple in your marriage.
Grass is Greener on the other side:
In this era of social networking we are constantly bombarded with images of happy and perfect lives of others. Never compare your spouse or your married life to that of others. Be thankful to Allah subahana wa ta’la for what he has blessed you with.
Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu ahnu narrated that Allah’s messenger sal Allahu aleyhi wasallam said ”Beware of envy as it devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel.” - Muslim
It is easy to get frustrated if we start comparing our lives with the perfect families we see and start feeling unsatisfied in the imperfections of our marriage. Remember your knowledge is limited to the reality of your life and not that of others. It is always better to focus on the fact that perfection of your marriage lies in your hands. Always give Shukr for what you have and do Sabr for what you don’t.
I conclude by saying that in the end the main thing to remember and incorporate into our lives in every relationship is that we should try our level best to give it it’s due. Do not let minor things become big issues, and always be aware of the fact that this may be our last chance to rectify our mistakes. Learn to give unconditional love and respect to the important people in your lives before it is too late.
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